Wednesday, April 4, 2012

To Everything There is a Season

Spring is here and I am decidedly happy about it.  I am a fall baby and typically relish the colder weather, but this year's winter barely made an appearance.  There were no snow flurries and no reason to have a fire in the fireplace.  I figure we might as well get on with this business of summer and get it over with.   I have a renewed enthusiasm for fashion and desire to get my middle-aged body moving again, so I might as well take advantage of what the warmer weather has to offer.  Making that statement on my blog, in front of my peers holds me accountable....that and the prospect of my 30 year high school reunion this summer (yes, 30...and ouch).  Let's get the old body moving and fill up the closet with clothes and shoes!  That is what I call motivation.  That...and a few other things.  

I have mentioned many times that I am an older mom.  My son is now 6 and I am well into my 48th year.  I have yet another reason to get my sluggish self moving.  I need to stay young.  My parents were in the late 40's when I departed college.  I will be 60 when Dominick graduates high school.  I want to live to see him graduate from college, get married and make me a grandmother.  I often say that I have few regrets in my life, but if I had to do it all over again...I would have married and had my child earlier.  All with the same man of course.  Dominick is the wonderful, easy going kid that he is, partly because he has older parents.  So, while I had him at the perfect time in my history, sometimes I wish I could jump in a time machine and change a few things....

What would I change you ask?  First off, knowing that if I time travel and if I mess with anything, it will alter the future...So I would start wrecking havoc starting in college.  I had an adorable college boyfriend...actually, he was pretty hot stuff, but I should have dated more.  There are several boys that come to mind that I would have liked to have known better.  Maybe I should not have majored in dance, but studied something a little more marketable, especially since I did not pursue a career in dance (although it gave me confidence and courage).  Hindsight being 20/20, I should have studied computer science, even though the thought of that is about as exciting as watching paint dry.  Moving into my 20's...again, I should have dated more instead of giving my heart to boys who, while sweet, and funny, did not have the same goals and aspirations as me.  My fault for not investing in the long term...again, hindsight.  I met my husband at an architectural firm where we both worked, in my late 30's.  I thought he was like every other architect I have ever worked with - arrogant (sorry my architect friends...but you know your reputation)...and he was, but there was something endearing about him too.  We fell in love and married and had our beautiful boy.  I just can't help wishing that it would have happened when I was 35 (which would have made Tim 31).  So much more time to enjoy each other and our family...I think about the riches in my life and it really makes me wonder how I ever saw myself as happy in relationships before this.  I reflect on a particular relationship during my early - mid 30's and wonder..."what the hell?"  Who was I and why on earth did I allow myself to be treated like that?  Again, I will say I have few regrets so far, but I have had disappointments.  I get a little mad at myself  for allowing relationships to continue beyond their expiration date.  Sometimes I think of those years and think that was time I could have had sooner with my husband and son.  However, while I was going through my issues, my husband has his own set of relationship discoveries to make.  Everything for a reason and at the right season in your life.  I have to be happy with that.  Actually there is no other option.  We would not be where we are and who we are without those experiences.

So, here I sit, 48 years and 5 months old.  I am happy.  I am in love.  I have the nicest, funniest, smartest son, and am doubly blessed with a beautiful, talented and sweet step-daughter.  My parents are still alive and my father is remission from cancer.  My mother, while in the throngs of Alzheimer's, is healthy and happy.  I have so much to be grateful for.  Since I cannot change the past, I am letting go of  the old worries and disappointments right now.  I am embracing today and am excited at what tomorrow will offer.  I can only be the best person I can be, for me and for my family.  If that means taking extra good care of myself so that my old ass can sit through Dominick's graduation ceremony in 2024, so be it.  Live in the here and now and be excited with the opportunity to live and love again tomorrow.  

Rock on is pretty damn good.  Hello 48 and 5 months.  You feel good on me.  I love you!

Jenn Hall-Vaccaro


  1. Hi,

    I have a quick question about your blog, would you mind emailing me when you get a chance?